What if I'm married but sex isn't satisfying?

A marriage in which someone is sexually frustrated can be a painful trial and lead to many other problems, such as irritability, sarcasm and impatience. But pornography can never be the solution! It will most likely only make matters worse as the one who's engaged in it will grow even more distant from his or her spouse, and the spouse will sense that something is vitally wrong between them and become more tense.

A far better solution is to get back to building real love into the marriage. Real love includes speaking honestly with one another and may possibly involve seeking help from counselors to fix areas where the marriage has struggled. Sex will always be better where there is love and consideration for one another and not just a selfish ambition to satisfy one’s own desires.

What if I keep falling back into porn?

This is an important question. Pornography isn't something one can just 'snap out of'. That's very true if the habit has been going on for years and you’re involved in 'hard core' porn. Any attempt to break the habit will likely be met with some failures along the way. But a failure need not be final defeat! The famous inventor, Thomas Edison, had over 700 'failed' experiments as he tried to develop a filament for the electric light bulb before he got it right. It’s no surprise that he once said; 'Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time!'

Turning away from the places, people and things that feed your desire for pornography doesn't mean you instantly lose the craving for it! The memory of the thrill porn gave over the years may linger in your mind. The most dangerous times will be when you’re just plain bored. Like the alcoholic who says to themself: "Maybe just one little drink…" so you might think to yourself: "Just one quick look can't hurt." Then, just as one little drink can lead to a binge for the alcoholic, so one 'quick look' can become a free-fall for the porn addict. They may then be tempted to think: “What’s the use . . . I can never change.”

But failures need not lead to surrender. They are a battle lost along the way - not the end of the war! Like a boxer knocked down for the third time who forces himself up to fight on, so the man or woman seeking to beat the habit of pornography must pick themself up from a failure along the way and press on with applying the things that lead to victory. As Thomas Edison said; "Try one more time!"

What if it's because of what happened in childhood?

Things that happen to people in childhood, especially bad things, will certainly leave a mark on their lives and can affect their behaviour as they grow older. Where and how we grew up can play a big part in choices we make for ourselves along life's journey. But, at the end of the day, the choices are still ours. No matter how much we may like to get back at people, or blame them for where we’ve ended up, there's a sense in which we can never undo what has happened to us.

But we can do something about where we go from here. The question such a person must ask is not: 'Am I doing the things I do because of what someone else did to me?', but, 'are the things I'm doing now right or wrong? Are they good or bad? Do they harm me or help me?'

An extreme example of young lives that were ruined are the terrible stories that have emerged of children who were abducted and trained to be ruthless terrorists, and who went on to kill people without a qualm. Yes, their abductors are to blame for where they ended up, but the only road for recovery for such children would be for them to recognize, and come to believe, that murdering people is evil and wrong. The way to unscrew the past is to start turning life in the right direction. You must make right choices for your life now, irrespective of any wrong things that may have been taught or done to you in the past.

By turning to what is good you will break the cycle and won’t pass evil habits on to any children you may have, or be in contact with.

What if my activities have broken the law?

While the law is quite lax about pornography in many countries, some activities are still illegal. One example is when porn activity has involved minors. The thought of public exposure and a possible jail sentence is bound to be a terrifying one! But I’d still urge anyone wanting to end the evil that pornography has brought into their life to get on the right side of the law as soon as possible. 

Apart from anything else, going to the police to voluntarily confess criminal activities because you're seeking to turn from such a lifestyle would count in your favour. It would show a genuine desire to change. The deeper benefit, however, will be the peace in your own conscience as you try to put past wrongs right and seek the forgiveness of victims you have hurt so badly, and, where possible, to make restitution to people whose lives you have defiled.

Let’s face it, if pornography is causing you to break the law in the wrong things you're involved in, then you desperately need to do something about it! For your own sake, as well as for the sake of those whose lives you may be destroying.

What if I'd lose my income if I left the job I do?

It may be that someone visiting this website is involved in providing a sexual service. One of the tragic sides of the porn industry is that many of those who provide such service do it because of dependency. Whether it is to fund a drug habit, or just to put bread on the table, they feel there's no other option!

Yes, there are those who 'enjoy what they're doing', and may even consider themselves 'high class business people', but the reality is that many who do the work probably wish they could do something else that had no shame or guilt attached. But they feel themselves trapped in the system.

I agree that there's no easy solution here. The question that needs to be asked, however, is ‘what value do you place on a good conscience’? It’s a question not just for those working in the porn industry, but for people in any job where money can be made at the cost of integrity, such as the big bank owners or shareholders in dubious companies. The choice must be made between 'doing anything’ to make money, or living on less because you believe honesty and decency are worth holding onto.

Yes, struggling to pay bills is a hard road to travel. But going to bed on an empty stomach after a day of menial but honest work still makes a more comfortable pillow at night than a guilty conscience driven by greed and lust.

I would encourage anyone who offers porn because of drug dependency to rather seek help for their drug problem. It doesn't help to use the one to justify the other. There's a whole new life waiting for you if you can be clean of drugs and free of porn. It's an effort worth making.